by Steve Liddick
Ever have one of those days? You know the kind of days I mean. The ones where everything seems to go wrong and your brain appears to have turned to tapioca.
I had one of those days yesterday.
It began with waking up and trying to find my glasses. They were not on my nightstand where I put them the night before. I always get up way before dawn, so it was dark, I couldn’t turn on my reading lamp because I didn’t want to wake my wife. No matter, even with the light on I wouldn’t be able to find my glasses without my glasses.
I assumed one of the cats knocked them off the stand, so I got down on my hands and knees on the floor to feel around for them. Found them—and the slippers that had also been moved.
The next challenge was to get back on my feet. No small matter for the chronically wobbly. I’ve considered installing a lifting device on the bedroom ceiling similar to the winches you see on the front of some pickup trucks.
Could this day get any worse?
I had bought a garden hose a few days earlier. When I got home I discovered that I already had a hose like the one I bought. So I drove to the garden store to ask for a refund. When I got there I realized I had forgotten my wallet. Without my wallet I couldn’t get the refund charged back to my debit card—which I didn’t have because I had forgotten the aforementioned wallet.
Could this day possibly get any worse?
Never ask that question because it absolutely can.
I drove on to the post office to pick up my mail and to send off my friend Barney’s birthday card. The problem is, I had forgotten put a stamp on the card before I left home.
Remember the wallet I forgot and couldn’t get a refund on the garden hose? I wasn’t carrying any cash. I couldn’t buy a stamp. It would have to wait until tomorrow.
To top it off, there was no mail. I had driven the seven miles to the post office for absolutely nothing—not even one lousy flyer advertising something I didn’t need, couldn’t afford, or wouldn’t use even if I got one as a gift.
Could this day possibly get any . . . never mind.
Having undeniable recent experience with a day where things kept getting worse, I drove home cautiously. Miraculously, I got there without requiring the services of Triple-A, nor was I struck by an asteroid.
Not taking any chances, I spent the rest of the day on my lounge chair.